Memoirs of a Geisha House

Robbie returned to the "Right Coast" (pun intended) this evening after a long weekend in Los Angeles for a job interview. Having been to Los Angeles myself, I was able to give him some words of wisdom on how to handle oneself among a population where men wear fedoras on a daily basis and women's utilization of hair extensions would make Kym from the Real Housewives of Atlanta swoon.

First of all, if you find yourself in the presence of a celebrity, play it cool.*

Second, do like other Angelenos do and have one meal a day be a Large serving of Pinkberry Frozen Yogurt.**

Third, be sure to stop by at least one In 'N Out Burger.***

Fourth, venture outside of the hip areas of Hollywood and Beverly Hills and check out a more eccentric locale.****

Fifth, and finally, do not go to the Geisha House. Having adored Judd Apatow's movie Knocked Up, my two girlfriends and I thought it would be awesome to get 9 o'clock reservations at the Geisha House for our Saturday night in the city. Boy, was that a bad idea. By the time we had reached our table, one of us had been called a "bitch" by another girl because she accidentally bumped into her, one of us had become partially deaf in her left ear from the blaring acoustics of Pit Bull and Lady Gaga, and one of us had slightly insulted the waitress by an open-mouthed stare at their provocative attire (these were not classy Geishas). The food wasn't that bad though.*****

So, who knows how the interview will turn out. The good news is that, with our respective experiences in the City of Angels, we will be all set should Robbie be starring in his own series of The Hills next summer. I just hope I get to be the Jayde to his Brody (they are still together right?).

*As a disclaimer, I did not follow any of my own advice. When my two girlfriends and I looked over at dinner at a hip West Hollywood restaurant and saw John Mayer, we all almost got sick on ourselves. I should also note that we picked this particular restaurant because it was featured in the previous week's Star Tracks section in People Magazine.

**Again, I did not follow this one. I took one bite of the Frozen "Yogurt" and immediately spit it out. It tastes like frozen spoiled milk. And don't even think about adding toppings like hot fudge or smashed Oreos. Your choices are raisins, fiber flakes, and quinoa.

***I definitely did this one -- ironically, I was in San Francisco though. It was still a very good meal.

****I would recommend Venice Beach. Nothing like a three block stretch filled with crazy people to make you appreciate the fedoras and fake hair.

*****I have no footnote on this one. I just wanted to remain consistent.