Memoirs of a Geisha House

Robbie returned to the "Right Coast" (pun intended) this evening after a long weekend in Los Angeles for a job interview. Having been to Los Angeles myself, I was able to give him some words of wisdom on how to handle oneself among a population where men wear fedoras on a daily basis and women's utilization of hair extensions would make Kym from the Real Housewives of Atlanta swoon.

First of all, if you find yourself in the presence of a celebrity, play it cool.*

Second, do like other Angelenos do and have one meal a day be a Large serving of Pinkberry Frozen Yogurt.**

Third, be sure to stop by at least one In 'N Out Burger.***

Fourth, venture outside of the hip areas of Hollywood and Beverly Hills and check out a more eccentric locale.****

Fifth, and finally, do not go to the Geisha House. Having adored Judd Apatow's movie Knocked Up, my two girlfriends and I thought it would be awesome to get 9 o'clock reservations at the Geisha House for our Saturday night in the city. Boy, was that a bad idea. By the time we had reached our table, one of us had been called a "bitch" by another girl because she accidentally bumped into her, one of us had become partially deaf in her left ear from the blaring acoustics of Pit Bull and Lady Gaga, and one of us had slightly insulted the waitress by an open-mouthed stare at their provocative attire (these were not classy Geishas). The food wasn't that bad though.*****

So, who knows how the interview will turn out. The good news is that, with our respective experiences in the City of Angels, we will be all set should Robbie be starring in his own series of The Hills next summer. I just hope I get to be the Jayde to his Brody (they are still together right?).

*As a disclaimer, I did not follow any of my own advice. When my two girlfriends and I looked over at dinner at a hip West Hollywood restaurant and saw John Mayer, we all almost got sick on ourselves. I should also note that we picked this particular restaurant because it was featured in the previous week's Star Tracks section in People Magazine.

**Again, I did not follow this one. I took one bite of the Frozen "Yogurt" and immediately spit it out. It tastes like frozen spoiled milk. And don't even think about adding toppings like hot fudge or smashed Oreos. Your choices are raisins, fiber flakes, and quinoa.

***I definitely did this one -- ironically, I was in San Francisco though. It was still a very good meal.

****I would recommend Venice Beach. Nothing like a three block stretch filled with crazy people to make you appreciate the fedoras and fake hair.

*****I have no footnote on this one. I just wanted to remain consistent.

This livin' is so MACnificent . . .

Today was a big day for me.  A huge day.  

I became a new woman, so-to-speak.  I see the world with an entirely new set of eyes. 

Today, I became a Mac.  

I abandoned my previous twenty years of PC living (although my family's first computer was a very boxy Apple IIGS) and ventured into the always-crowded Apple Store.  I strode past the other folks checking their emails and playing Wheel of Fortune on the iPhones and walked up to a guy wearing a blue Apple shirt and declared "I am ready to buy a Mac!"  He turned around and kindly informed me that I would need to visit the lady in the orange Apple shirt, put my name on the list, and I would then be called when a clerk became available.  My response -- "Seriously?"  The guy laughed and said it should not take too long.  So, I did as I was told and thirty minutes later I was being helped by a not-nearly-close-enough-to-looking-like-Justin-Long clerk who showed me my options.  My mom and I were slightly bum fuddled the entire time but we managed to walk out with a new MacBook (as basic as they come), Apple Care for three years (so when Newt sits on my computer and breaks it I will be covered), and a free IPod Touch.  Not too shabby I'd say.  

So, on this Saturday night, I will either be video chatting, watching YouTube videos, or simply staring at my thirteen inches and five pounds of Apple joy -- dreaming of the months to come with my very own MacBook.  My digital photos should be more pristine, my Facebook and Twitter pages will be more frequently updated, wedding planning should be a piece of cake, and life will be even more rosy.  Turn the clock to zero, boss . . . I've started up a brand new day!